The One Who Can't Let Go

 
All this time 
I'm still stuck on you
Still fighting with myself
Even if i want to stop

Even if i tried to be busy

There's a part of me unconsciously still waiting for you

When you said you would come to me
With such distance

With the fact that you were holding someone else's hand
Part of me said it was just a joke
Part of me wish it was true

But when you came
Even if i left you waiting

I was busy trying to look my best in the morning,
When you said you're going away for a bit
Part of me was waiting for you
While another part of me wish you wouldn't come back
I'm confused with myself

I wanted you but not the you who is holding someone else

Why did you have to say that you love me
if you can't let her go
Why would you need me
if you said you are happy with her
Why did you say that you're hurt

Why did you sing me love songs

Why did you stay in the same spot if i'm the one to make you happier

All i could do was hesistating

All i could do was asking and let it pent inside

Why are you saying two different things in one time?
I know clearly what is wrong and what is right
I know what you're doing isn't right
I know that if you don't stop then  
it is me who have to stop
But it seems like i just keep repeating my mistakes
I've said goodbye
But i keep going back to you

I don't hate you

i don't hate my love for you

it's just i can't love my own self who loves someone else's dream

even when my brain countlessly say it is wrong
i feel tired everytime i fight with my own conscience

all i want was finding rest on your shoulder

although i cry because when i hold you, i believe you're not mine

and even innocently loving someone have become a sin

who said that love is never a wrong thing to do

Love

All i know it could only grow cold or keep growing

and that you can never be a stranger once you love someone

The way we're making place in our heart to care for new people

we don't necessarilly have to forget the people who were with us before

When you said you love me,

i know that it is possible that you love two person at the same time

because i know that love isn't replaceable

but i know that you still hold her dear

even if you run to me

Wasn't she always the more important one though?

I know,

and i know, i should be the one to walk away

deep inside, i know she is your truly happiness

i know i should stop your heart from going to me

when we finally open up

with conscience in our hearts

i said in my heart

it'll only be for a little bit

to keep me going on later

because i know i'll have to let you go in the end

It wasn't just you who couldn't let go

i have always been the one who can't let go from the start

Even now

when "we" are no longer exist

i still can't let you go from my heart

it's weird

i feel like my heart has grown cold

its unable to open up for anyone

but the love for you have never grow cold

what's weirder is

that the cold heart can still lit a fire on someone else's

while being piercing cold to my own, burning and breaking to someone else's

what is it

if it not being able to let you go

i love you

back then, today, and every tomorrow i still have.